who among you will come visit me?
The cross street to the cul de sac on which Miss Kate and I live is a rush hour secret cut through from one major road to another that attracts the "I need to shave 180 seconds off my commute" crowd.
There's a guy who has driven past me a few times while I've been out walking my dog in the morning. He drives his maroon Lincoln Towncar about 60 mph down a 25 mph street.
I am going to kill him.
So far I've only got close enough to raise my fist and shout "SLOW DOWN MUTHAFUCKA!"
So, at the trial, I suspect the prosecutors will produce this blog entry as evidence of premeditation. So be it.
This guy's at the top of my list.
There's a guy who has driven past me a few times while I've been out walking my dog in the morning. He drives his maroon Lincoln Towncar about 60 mph down a 25 mph street.
I am going to kill him.
So far I've only got close enough to raise my fist and shout "SLOW DOWN MUTHAFUCKA!"
So, at the trial, I suspect the prosecutors will produce this blog entry as evidence of premeditation. So be it.
This guy's at the top of my list.
posted by sparklestone at 7:07 PM
14 Comments:
When you go out to walk the dog, fill your pockets with little tacks. When you see the car coming, toss little tacks out onto the road and hope for the best.
mb, I don't think my lawyers are going to be able to call you to the bench in my defense.
one thing i failed to mention is that if I do encounter this guy (I did not this morning) there is a 50% chance I will be on way back home, meaning I will have a bag full of dog poo with me.
I say we just tell our neighbor, Mr. Scowly-Face, that there's a speeding menace on the road and he needs to go get to work policing the world. You know, ask him to throw his weight around.
Miss Kate is onto something. If your neighbor has any pull with authority, you could have one of those huge traffic moniters on your street. The ones that say how fast you're going, then it lists the speed that you should be at. Speed bumps are annoying but help. The best entertainment is to see a speeder go down a road with new speed bumps. Watch those sparks fly!
I like to say "fling poo". I've always wanted to say "who flug poo" Maybe you should try it.
I'm guessing rocks would be bad.
You could use a super sonic squirt gun.
I'm not helping am I? I'm sorry Miss Kate.
Here's the deal, pg. "Scowly-face" is a jackass (and the throw his weight around reference concerns is massive weight gain of late).
I don't think he has any pull except with fat, jackass crowd.
Maybe tomorrow I will comment about how I flugged some poo at him. (is that usage correct?)
Flug the poo. When they come to arrest you say it was an involuntary response to a car speeding down the street at you...
Speed bumps would be good, but you'd have to deal with them too. I hate speed bumps more than speed bums.
I will come visit you.
I'll bake you a cake w/ a file in it....
do none among us recall that sparklestone has been advised by this writer (among others) to reduce his caffeine intake? and congratulations on adding the phrase "flug the poo" to the contents of the blog. someone is going to be searching for that.
j
nils, you're my lawyer.
crackhead, maybe you can put a file in some of your famous homemade pudding.
j, why must you stand between me and my coffee? I killed plenty of people before I started drinking coffee.
When they lock you up, will I finally get your bike?
Not only will I come visit you (at least once per parole hearing), I'll also pay for the magazine subscription of your choice.
Choose wisely.
If I'm you lawyer, your in a lot of trouble.
Sylow, you've worn me down. If I get locked up, you can have one of my bikes.
Also, I would like a subscription to Caffeine Today.
Nils, why is that? Are lawyers graded on grammar and spelling?
If i had known this blog would be chock full of nils bashing i woulda joined the party sooner. The communist party that is!
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